Under the Knife: Sanctifying Surgery

I am 26 years old.  I’ve been married for 2 years and 4 months.  I own a house, and pay my mortgage.  I have a 24 year old sister that lives in a guest room.  I have 3 dogs surrounding me approximately 8 hours of the day (then Laura comes home…they love her more).  I’m a seminary student working on my M.Div.  I am a son with 2 happily married parents.  I am a brother to 2 sisters and a brother (I’m #2 of 4).  I am 6 feet tall and weigh anywhere from 158lbs to 162lbs (depending on the time of day.  I am becoming more and more aware that I have absolutely no concrete idea for what my life will hold for me.

What if I die on the way to the light rail station tonight? 

If there is one thing that has changed in the last few years, it’s the emotional response I perceive in myself when I think of that question.  Of course that is an over-simplification.  Much has changed, from my reasons for believing what I believe (namely, I have some), to the way I interact with God’s Word, to my music preferences, to my responsibilities, etc.

What I mean by that is that over the last few years, all of the changes in my life have informed my emotional response to that question.  I can’t say that my answer would be different if it were verbalized; it’s clear, however, that my internal response has been cemented as it had never been before.  I have no life-defining desire to accomplish certain life goals (get married, have kids, have a job, etc).  Part of me wonders if that is because I’ve accomplished some of these goals already, but I think it is deeper than that. 

When people ask what is most important in life, it’s kind of a loaded question.  Of course everyone knows that they are supposed to say certain things.  Family.  Loved ones.  God.  But what if we actually gave intellectually honest answers to that question?  Often times our answer would be “watching football on Sundays,” or “having the freedom to do whatever it is that I want to do at a particular time.”

I can’t honestly say that my answer to that question would be satisfactory to most who look at me as a seminarian seeking to serve God in a pastorate in a local church somewhere.  The beauty of the last few years though, is that I know now that it is insignificant that I might never have a “satisfactory” answer.  Not unimportant, but insignificant.  Because even the most important things in life have been completely overshadowed by God and His grace. 

This isn’t really a coherent post…I’m okay with that right now. 

Hmm.  It is obvious that I am not quite as blog-disciplined as I’d like to be, however I can’t say my absence from most forms of blogging has been at least somewhat purposeful. 

I think I’m in a unique situation in some ways, very common in others.  Most people really get into their field when they graduate/know what they want to do.  The same has been true for me.  Feeling called to the pastorate certainly stoked within me the passion to read and understand what those who are out there “doing it” are writing.  I’ve gotten used to having various blogs as my home page for Firefox, and reading the blog as soon as I log on.  That usually sends me on a multitude of rabbit trails, setting me back a solid hour on my studies, as typically that is why I get on the computer in the first place.

This has been good and bad.  I think early on, I read all those blogs, and was reading all those books, and my immediate thought was that I should go out and do the same things.  Then I started blogging and realized that I didn’t really have much original to say.  I didn’t want a blog I started to turn into a journal.  That’s why I took quite a bit of time off from blogging.  Who knows if I’m back for good now; perhaps my lack of blogging really was just the natural consequence of laziness.  I’d like to think that I’ll be back posting a bit more regularly now. 

One thing I don’t want to do is blog simply to try to attract followers.  Hopefully I will have a perspective and enough to add to various conversations that are going on in our world that will speak to people who read this blog.  Hopefully this blog will be a place where respectful discussion of ideas can occur.  I hope first and foremost to glorify God with this blog, as with whatever else I do, regardless of how hopelessly I fail at times in that regard.  So with all that in mind…Here I go.

It’s 11:21pm and I’m sitting here at my computer watching seconds tick away in the top right corner of my fairly recently purchased iMac computer, and I can’t help but be overwhelmed by a sense of….utter cluelessness.  I am 25 years old, but really still feel like I was in college, high school, junior high, elementary school…just the other day.  I was thinking tonight, man, I wonder if I could go back in time to the moment that my Dad asked me if I would like to go on a hunting trip to South Dakota, would I say no?  I nearly did.  I really didn’t think I could do it, with homework deadlines approaching and a lot of reading to do, not to mention the financial cost of getting my license and all the gear that I would need to acquire to replace my outgrown stuff.  Then my Dad said in his sly way something along the lines of “weeeell maybe your mom and I could assist you a little bit…” and it became a reality.

Of course they didn’t assist me a little bit, they paid for every penny of the trip.  I didn’t have to spend anything at all.  I’m no genius but when you are 25, married, and in Seminary and your parents offer to pay for ANYTHING, there is only one answer.  That answer is YES, PLEASE.  I’m not going to spend any time on the hunting that we did, or the walking through fields, or the beauty of God’s creation on a crisp fall day with no sign of civilization in sight, but believe me I could.  Instead, I’ll answer my initial question.  Knowing what I know now…would I still do it?  And the answer is an unequivocal yes.  Not much compares to a hours-long drive down on a hunting trip with your Dad, even if you don’t agree on everything.  I still remember driving to different hunting spots with my Dad, particularly one trip to Burman, Nebraska (population approximately 7).  As I sat in the passenger side of the Jeep with my Dad this time, with Blade in the back, we talked about theology, family history, we laughed and cried…well we didn’t cry, this isn’t a Lifetime Network Movie, but we laughed and had many serious discussions as well.  We talked economics and social justice and then listened to some intellectual podcasts and nodded affirmation at different times, and also at the same times, but really what we did, was communicate.  We fellowshipped.  It is a rare experience for a lot of 25 year old sons to have real genuine fellowship with honest conversation when their Dad is concerned, me included. 

So that being said, I wouldn’t take the pellet out of my eye if it meant that I wouldn’t have been able to experience those moments with my Dad.

If I have learned anything from this experience, it is that life does not always go your way.  At least in the traditional sense.  But I have also found that my faith in God has given me the resilience to withstand earthly trials.  To be honest, as I’ve said to numerous people the past few days, I greatly surprised even myself with how I reacted to this situation.  I mean, I am the kid who would quit a race as an elementary age student if I wasn’t close enough to the lead.  Not only would I quit, but I would run off the race track crying a mixture of angry and sorrowful tears, trying to figure out if there was a way I could be sure that all those guys who were faster than me were cheating like I knew they had to be.  I lived my life aghast at the unfairness of it all.  Now take that kid, keep in place those same feelings, and introduce him to Jesus Christ as a 22 year old in Rome.  I feel that I began the process of meeting Jesus Christ while cowering in Rome, drowning thoughts of home in alcohol, doing my best to put on a good front while wavering uncontrollably as I found myself woefully inept at living out this flimsy five-dollar faith that I had clung to since preschool.  I felt the utter lostness I had never felt before, as I struggled with the dichotomy of my life at the time:  In my nerd heaven, the “Eternal City” of Rome…while really just struggling to get outside of myself most of the time.

Upon my return home, I flailed at this and that, I tried to be a “good example” time and time again, even returning to youth ministry with the junior highers at my church.  But it kills me to this day that even then I was still trying to manufacture goodness out of a tragically incomplete picture of my Savior.  My Savior.  Who?  I had the lingo down, but my heart was too busy blaming other people for the woes I had and continued to experience. 

Then, I experienced life, not all at once, but gradually.  It was as if my bones were the dry bones in Ezekiel.  My dry bones were slowly coming back to life.  It wasn’t the friends I had, or the girl I was dating, or memories fading, but it was Jesus Christ that was filtering into my life and completely altering my perception of the world around me, but more importantly, my perception of who I was.  God’s grace became not an abstract idea, but a felt, touched truth.  I was born again, and although the exact moment when I trusted Jesus Christ with my life and truly understood what he had done because of me and for me on the Cross was in a single moment of time, it was a process that started completely out of nowhere.  You could call it my life’s equivalent of the big bang.  But that is just the thing.  It isn’t just a “big bang,” it is a providential moment that my Father in heaven had prepared for me from day one of my life and even before. 

Now I ask myself again, would you take the trip back?  What if you could go back to ten seconds before you got shot, and turn and run the other way, thus avoiding harm???  Good question.  NO.

You see this whole eye injury is certainly not fun, and I most certainly am not looking forward to heading into surgery tomorrow (perhaps that is part of why I am writing this…), but I have seen with my own eyes, the fruit of God’s grace in my life through this trial.  Surely there have been other moments where God has had astounding grace towards me, never in my life have I ever experienced what God has allowed me to experience in the 9 days or so. 

I cannot explain in words how humbling it is to see the vast number of people who have touched base through facebook, text message, voicemail, phone call, or any other means (EVEN SNAIL MAIL!  I’m looking at you, Abbey Schmitz), just to let me know that they are praying for me.  I hope that I am not alone in seeing just how rapidly the body of Christ has gathered me up in prayer since this happened.  Family, friends, “facebook friends”, people I don’t even know…it is just remarkable, and using words to convey it seems so inadequate. 

I’ll finish up with this.  Tomorrow I go into surgery, and I know full well the risks that are involved.  It is surgery, after all.  I may never regain full sight.  Or any at all.  Or I could deal with constant pain the rest of my life.  I could lose my eye.  I could even lose my life (Highly unlikely).  Regardless of the outcome of surgery, this experience has blessed me inexhaustibly.  So I have a challenge for you, the reader.  If the worst happens, or even not the best, don’t have a pity party for me.  Don’t send me a sorrowful letter explaining that you have sympathy for me and my poor eye.  Rejoice at the working out of God’s grace in my life through the prayers that have been offered up to my perfect heavenly Father, who knows more than anyone ever could just how much He needs to work on me in order for me to fully trust in Him. 

 “Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe,  for our “God is a consuming fire.”  -Hebrews 12:28-29

So now I bid the internet adieu.  Continued prayers are welcome, both for surgery, and the aftermath.  God is good, and He always will be.  Rejoice in that.  Amen.

A verse that I have always loved, is 1 Peter 3:13-15, which reads as follows:

“Now who is there to harm you if you prove zealous for what is good?  But even if you should suffer for righteousness’ sake, you will be blessed.  Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.” 

I read that with a fresh set of eye(s) (forgive the pun) this week and was again struck by it.  It is truly wonderful how God provides his Word for us no matter our situation.  Not that we conform his Word to our situation, but so that we can be prepared to conform our situation to his Word.

This passage is sort of a mish-mash of a couple popular topical verses, and it is a shame.  It is a shame that we so easily copy and paste verses into our lives (I count myself among those who do this often) to comfort us in a time of need.  If I’ve learned anything while in Seminary, it is that context is important, indeed it is ABSOLUTELY necessary for our understanding of God’s Word. 

This verse is primarily about the type of suffering that accompanies persecution for your Christian beliefs…read that carefully, because too often we read verses on persecution and assume that because we label ourselves as Christian, we are persecuted.  Yet we feel this strange awkwardness as we talk about it, knowing that in reality we aren’t persecuted.  We adapt to that by saying that culture persecutes Christians, but what we really mean is that the culture doesn’t behave in a Christian manner, so it is hard sometimes when we can’t do what all of our friends are doing, because we say that we are “Christian” and they aren’t supposed to do that.  Or…we just do it anyway, but aren’t willing to give up our title as Christian.  But the fact that the culture doesn’t behave Christian-like should not be a surprise to us.  In fact it should confirm the fact that man is sinful at heart, and that our human desires are not to be trusted.  This is around the time that I would get labeled as a legalistic Christian in many Christian circles today.  However all too often today legalistic is used to describe Biblical, when it means something quite different entirely.  Legalistic (not in all circles, but certainly in many) has come essentially to mean boldly Biblical. 

Let me be clear.  Legalism is bad.  But legalism is what happens when the heart is no longer in your faith.  Legalism has occurred when you find yourself secretly (or openly) joyful at the demise of a fellow professing Christian who you don’t agree with or who you just flat out don’t like (evidence of a heart that needs inspecting either way).  Legalism is there when rules are made in order to make sure people do things the way we want them to rather then out of love and an understanding of our sinful nature.  Legalism, just like true faith in Christ, happens first in the heart and has its outworking everywhere else.  Legalism is what the pharisees struggled with, which is the Bible with the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the incalculable grace of God ripped out of it.

Forgive me for that tangential section, but I think it is important to be clear about this.  All too often we grab hold of verses about persecution and apply them to our lives, but part of persecution in the sense that Peter is talking about, is the outward example of Christian behavior AND when the situation calls for it, bold words that reflect a submission to the Word of God. 

All this brings me to another passage of scripture, but first some personal context for this post.  If you are arriving at this through facebook, then I assume you are a friend or acquaintance and you understand a little of this story, but I will briefly summarize anyway.  Last Tuesday, I was hunting in South Dakota, and I was shot in the eye.  Essentially a probably safe shot was made unsafe due to blustery conditions and unfortunately a single shotgun pellet made its way directly into my right eye.  I immediately was taken to a hospital where they did a facial ct scan, then transported by ambulance 70 miles from Mitchell to Sioux Falls.  Once there, surgery was performed to close up the globe of the eye and insert fluid to make sure it was adequately pressurized.  I stayed overnight and then my Dad and I made our way back to Minneapolis, where a second surgery was scheduled for this upcoming Thursday. 

The last few days have been tremendously uncomfortable physically, but I have found few words accurately convey the peace and comfort I have felt in every other conceivable way.  Of course the moments of physical pain have clouded my mind occasionally, but even in those moments, there has been a pervasive sense of the Holy Spirit working in and around the events of this past week.  The moment it happened, and I mean literally the moment, even as I fell to my knees in shock, there was a peace that has been undeniable.  It has surprised me to no end and I have sat in bed numerous times and marveled at the power of God’s Holy Spirit.  In fact there have been times where I have sat in bed, tearing up due to the irritation in my right eye, dabbing it for what seems like the millionth time, thanking God for this situation.  All the petty thoughts that have entered my mind, like “How will this affect my jumpshot?” and “I wonder if my eye will look the same if they save it…” have been brushed away by a simple realization.

A little over a year ago, I felt God urging me.  At first, I didn’t know what it was about, but I knew it was about my life call.  I was a history major, so I was thinking about tons of different avenues like law school, teacher certification, grad school, missions, etc.  Finally I realized that God was calling me to be a pastor.  I imagined God would be calling me to be a youth pastor or a small group teaching pastor, possibly he would give a specific calling eventually…and then he did, and I knew it.  I knew as soon as I committed to Seminary that I was being called to preach the Word.  Since that understanding has dawned on me, my entire life has begun to be shaped by it.  My likes, my convictions, my sin, my relationship with Laura and friends, all of it has come under the umbrella of that calling.  Some have produced more painful moments than others, but all of them have provided me the beginnings of what I know will be many sermons.  Not in the sense that I will include a bunch of these stories in my sermons but that the trials and the struggles that we go through have to affect us, and for preaching pastors, John Piper said it very well when he said (paraphrase) that all of the “stuff” we go through as pastors can be viewed not only as life’s trials, but also as God’s means of “Sermon-Preparation.” 

So when I read a little further down in 1 Peter 4:12-13, I was given a wonderful encouragement this week:

“Beloved, do not be surprised a the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you; as though something strange were happening to you.  But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.”

Whether or not I ever tell this story in a sermon, I know for a fact, that the knowledge of God’s grace in my life, and the importance of the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my heart and mind, have turned a potentially foundation-cracking experience into a foundation-strengthening one, and it will without a doubt bear fruit in future ministry.  I thank God for the opportunity to see just how glorious He is as this situation plays out, even as I go into surgery knowing that nothing has been promised to me whatsoever, I rest easy knowing that as my wife Laura has often said: “God is always in control, and God is always good.”

“My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples.  Just as the Father has loved Me, I have also loved you; abide in My love.  If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love; just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.  These things I have spoken to you so that My joy may be in you, and that your joy may be made full.”  John 15:8-11

The further I’ve gotten into seminary, the more that I’ve read, the more that I’ve just sat and critically thought, the more I realize that if I were measured against Jesus’ example and teachings, it would be awfully difficult to discern that I was a Christian.

Think about it.  To borrow Millard Erickson’s example, “to be a worthy member of a group named after a particular leader one must adhere to the teachings of that leader.”  If someone is a Marxist, they accept the teachings of Karl Marx, if someone is a Platonist, they accept Plato’s teaching. 

Obviously it’s folly to compare Christ to Karl Marx or Plato; they may have created a set of beliefs that people ascribe to, sure, but their beliefs exist on a much lower plane than Christ’s.  Marx and Plato made the forming of minds their endeavor, with the ultimate goal being that those reformed minds changing society.  The absolute goal was contained to earth.  Christ reforms minds not simply in the hope that they reform society but that they simply KNOW.  They know Him.  They know God, their creator.  Christ’s message is not meant to be contained on earth, it’s meant to be felt reverberating throughout both heaven and hell.

Why is it so easy to click “Christian” on our facebooks, and wear a shirt with a verse on it, or have a cross necklace or tattoo, yet so difficult to actually make it our number one priority to live according to the Word?  Why is it so easy to read the Matthew, Mark, Luke and John, and then go see “The Hangover II”?

Many of us would claim to have hearts and minds reformed by Christ, but if they’ve been reformed, we must then ask ourselves honestly…where is our fruit?  If we abide by Christ’s commandments, we abide in His love.  Do we have joy?  Do we have fruit? 

It’s important to ask ourselves these questions, not to discourage us, but to spur us on to be faithful, because God has been SO faithful, so patient, so gracious with us.

Well, since my last post, quite a lot has happened.  I was pleasantly surprised by the overall reaction to that post, titled “An Open Letter to the Fairer Sex”, and I would like to clarify just a couple things quickly.  In writing that post, I by no means want to clear men of responsibility in the department of lust.  That was not my purpose by any means.  What I wanted to do was reach out to women to give them a perspective they may have never gotten.  I think it is important that women and men both realize that in seeking God truly themselves, they will naturally be a support and help to all those around them, including the opposite sex.  If a person does claim to be seeking God, and isn’t willing to take a long hard look at the way their lifestyle affects others…then I think there is a major disconnect there.

Now I wanted to share a few things before I get into what has been on my heart lately.  First of all, my sister, Jill had a BEAUTIFUL baby girl on March 29th.  Her name is Kahlan Grace Flint, and I love her so much and I haven’t even met her yet!  Laura (my beautiful wife), and my sister (Hillary) and brother (Sammy) are driving out to Seattle to visit for 8 days and I am beyond pumped.

Second, I was officially accepted into seminary at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary on Friday, so although I was confident I would get in, it is still great to just really know.  This journey is underway!  Should be crazy…and blessed.

Ok, I’ll keep the rest of this short, if only so that my friend Scott will actually read it.  Haha just kidding I love you Scott.

I want to challenge us all with the music that we listen to.  People tend to get a bit prickly when certain subjects are broached, for example, drinking, Harry Potter, movies…and music is one of those topics (myself included).

Music is a wonderful way to praise God, and there are numerous examples of it in the Bible.  So there it is, Music is good.  However, as with so many other things (all things in fact here on earth), it can be distorted, corrupted, and just plain ruined by the world.  It is so easy to forget as we listen to the American Top 40 hits on our local hit radio station that song after song have messages that are in direct contradiction to Jesus Christ’s message.  It’s pretty easy to brush music off as just white noise, it’s the beats we like, the harmonies, the melodies.  We love the piano or the guitar, or the singers voice.  We don’t really listen to the lyrics. 

We convince ourselves of these things, and before we know it, we’ve drifted.  It is ridiculously easy to convince ourselves that stuff “isn’t quite so bad,”  or yeah it’s a bad song, but “since I’m aware of the truth, I’m strong enough to listen to the lies and still be ok.”  Well I would like to challenge whoever reads this to really pay attention to the music they listen to, and honestly ask the question…does this music take my focus away from Christ?  Does it honor Him?  Am I unwilling to purge music out of my life that does not honor God? 

I would like to take a quick moment to discuss something that has been on my heart, as well as my wife’s for quite some time. 

With snow beginning to melt here in Minnesota and the temperatures beginning to rise, we approach that wonderful time of the year where coats, sweatshirts, jeans and long sleeve t-shirts find themselves stuffed into the closet.  I love that first day of spring when I break out the old cargo shorts and a t-shirt and head outside, I really do.  Another part of spring that I used to love was when the girls at school would start wearing skirts, tank tops, bikinis and tans. 

Truth is, I loved it a lot, not just a little bit.  Our society today would pat me on the back and tell me I’m a real man’s man.  It’s this unspoken rule in our society these days.  Women wear bikinis, men look at them.  Women wear one-piece swimsuits, men turn the channel.

You know what the saddest part of this is?  It’s the fact that a majority of Christians look exactly the same as that society I’m talking about, the only difference is that we don’t talk about it.  Pious Christian men would never look a girl up and down with everyone watching, drinking in every curve and then talk about the most admirable features with their friends.  You know what these Christian men would do?  They would look a girl up and down when no one is looking, drinking in every curve and then thinking about it endlessly while daydreaming in class or at work.  It’s the disease of silence and ignorance and it is single-handedly destroying men of every age group regardless of religious affiliation or family values. 

I went from sixth grade to late in college being affected by this very thing.  It started out young, at junior high swim parties and days at the lake, morphed into a full-fledged addiction to pornography, searching endlessly on the internet for any images I could find that would give me the same buzz that those girls gave me early on, but gradually, as with every other addiction, it took more and more.  I couldn’t even pick up the Bible because I just knew that I would be judged and found guilty, and what’s worse, I knew that I would do it again. 

All of this started because of the images cemented into my brain junior high.  To be honest it still frightens me a little.

By the time I got to college, this little buzz was affecting not only my own personal life but it was affecting a girl that I was dating.  I was utterly unable to be a spiritual leader, because I was so trapped in lust that I couldn’t spend time with her without trying to test the limits.  I thank God that both she and myself came from tremendous, Godly families, but still I look back and I regret the lapses in self-control.  I often read this verse during those years with disappointment ringing in my ears after another goodbye that went too long or stumbling on my own:

“All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be enslaved by anything.”   -1 Corinthians 6:12

I was enslaved.

By the grace of God and the power of His Word I am no longer a slave to sin, but I still live in a broken, sinful world, and it is impossible to avoid everything with my eyes.  I’m speaking for every single man I know.  If you know of anyone who has never lusted…they lied to you.  My message is this:  I know that I will not change any non-Christian’s minds with this post.  But I pray that I will at least give my Christan sisters something to think about as they ponder what they will wear at the lake and the pool this summer, not to mention school and around their male peers.  In fact, I pray this not because it’s what I desire, but it is what is COMMANDED by God himself in Romans 14.  We are not to do ANYTHING that causes our brothers to stumble, and trust me what you women wear does just that. I pray that you would find your identity and your self-confidence not in the looks you receive from men, but from the love you have in Christ, who died on the cross for the lust that your boyfriends, brothers, husbands, fathers, and friends have all had to struggle with.

It is long past the time for the Church to ignore this issue amongst our young people, because you can bet your life that men will fall into the trap of pornography this summer, young men that you know.  At some point we as Christians need to stop blaming “the media” and start to look inwardly at our own hearts.

“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”  -Ephesians 5:3-5

“This was in accordance with the eternal purpose which He carried out in Christ Jesus our Lord, in whom we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him.”

Ephesians 3:11-12

What an incredible statement!  In the lead-up to this section Paul is talking about the purpose of the Church.  Its purpose is to glorify God.  We do this by proclaiming the truth to everyone that we can, and not because we must do it in order to get into heaven, but because Christ has changed our hearts.  We have been eternally changed in both heart and mind, and while we still are going to struggle with sin, we can still enter into Christ’s presence with complete and utter confidence and boldness, knowing that He has already been the propitiation.  There is nothing that we can do to take that away from ourselves, and more importantly, nothing that Satan can do to rip it from us.  Believe it, he’s going to try.  We enter into God’s presence, because we have faith that He sent His son to die for our sins.  Man, I am just astounded by that!

The real reason I felt I needed to write this post, is because I take that opportunity for granted so often.  It is one of the myriad ways in which I fall short in my own power.  The opportunity I’m talking about is the opportunity to enter into communion with Christ.  To read scripture, to pray, to just sit and think about heavenly things, to edify fellow believers, to seek a more full knowledge of Him.  I can never know everything about him while here on earth, but so often I use that as an excuse to let a day pass without trying to learn something new or be affirmed in something I’ve learned about Him in the past. 

As a youth leader I’ve heard “I’m just so busy” so many times I want to barf.  The sad thing is, I’ve often thought it myself, even if I’m too “church-smart” to say it out loud and in front of anyone.  In my Men’s Leadership Class at Grace, we recently read a chapter (in a book called Spiritual Leadership- Oswald Sanders) about the use of time.  Several things struck me.  First, the example of Martin Luther.  In talking about how easy it is for prayer to take a back seat, Sanders mentioned that when Martin Luther knew that he had an extremely busy day ahead, he would make sure that he prayed twice as long as usual in the morning.  That sounds benign at first glance, but in this world we live in, that is just plain stupidity to most.  If anything, our first instinct is to lop off 90% of our prayer time, or promise to just pray silently throughout the day (which is not necessarily a bad thing, but cannot hope to compare to side specifically set aside for Christ).  Secondly, (I don’t have the book in front of me so I can’t quote it) it mentions that procrastination is one of the devil’s most useful and aged tricks.  Catch yourself saying “I’ll just have to do my quiet time tonight before bed” and you can count on the fact that a.) you need to better prioritize your life, and b.) you won’t.

I don’t want to make this too long, so I will end on this final point.  Think about how you prioritize your life.  Think about the brevity of life on earth, compared to the eternity of life with God.  Understand that when you say I should pray but I’m late for school, or work, or a social event, you are saying that getting to that place on time is more important than praising God for who He is.  We should NEVER not have time to do that.  Obviously that doesn’t mean you must be late to work.  It really doesn’t.  But when you take a couple of minutes to just get all of the earthly stuff out of your mind, the stuff that ultimately is distracting you from your Creator, God is glorified.  And God blesses those who glorify Him. 

Just something to think about.  For you and for me.

“But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ.”  II Corinthians 11:3

How easily we fall prey to the lies of “the serpent,” or Satan.  One of the ways that I can see God sanctifying me is through the gradual weaning from a desire to attain attention and praise from others and a gradual focusing on applying biblical truth to my life. 

I think that one of the ways that we fall prey to the worldly lies we hear is in our lack of follow-through on what we hear at church and in fellowship with other believers.  It is something that has plagued me for years and only now is being destroyed in my own life.  It is easy to hear words spoken in a message for our edification.  It is slightly more difficult to actually HEAR those words and understand what that means in our own lives at the time of hearing the message and in subsequent moments, and it often seems altogether impossible to faithfully apply those words to our day to day lives.

I know this is not a comprehensive exegesis of this verse, but it is something that was immediately on my heart as I read it.  It is one of the many ways that we can be deceived.  Deceived into thinking that as long as we hear the words, we are set.  But the true knowledge we gain invariably results in some sort of application in our lives.  God sanctifies us through the testing of our hearts.  I know He is currently doing that in my life. 

What a beautiful statement for us though, how simple and pure life can be when we are devoted to Christ.

“Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a stricter judgment.”  James 3:1

Yikes!  You think we might have fewer pastors if this verse wasn’t just passed over?  As I have begun entering into this season of my life, beginning the process of applying to Southern, I’ve been challenged in so many ways.  As Pastor Troy told me when I asked him about the Affirmation process, this is a life-altering, world-shattering undertaking.  It is a massive thing to pursue, because it undeniably alters every aspect of my life both now and in the future. 

It’s interesting that for all of my years in youth group and personal bible study, I’ve never really ruminated for any length of time on James 3:1.  I’ve read James 3 plenty of times, but I usually skip to the untamable tongue section.  It always challenges me, but it challenges me even more now.  I can’t just brush my language, or gossip, or the things I laugh at, under the rug any longer.  I have a responsibility to not only do my best (with God’s help) to bridle my tongue, but to teach others how important it is and to encourage disciplined speech in the people around me as well. 

Facebook is an interesting thing.  As much as we love how it connects us to people, it also is a boon to the typical attitude towards speech on the internet.  I see students in High School now enter into swearing matches over petty things.  Obviously that sort of thing affects relationships both online and in real life.  That is what people miss.  They feel somewhat anonymous or protected because it is just their name making these statements, not their mouths.  Suddenly the things people think (and it is extremely rare to find a person with purely godly thoughts) can be thrown out for all to see. 

We need to be mindful as our students, children, nieces and nephews, grandchildren, and friends may be tempted to use the “protection” of Facebook to disparage others, especially from those people who claim Christ as their savior.  There is no room for a world-directed tongue in the Christian life.  We also must resist the temptation to throw the “guilt-trip” card, because we are all guilty of the same crime.  We must approach people that we see partaking in this with love and clothed in true humility, explaining how we have committed the same sin and encouraging an examination of the heart.  It is not our job to tell them to stop, it is our job to lovingly explain why.

“But no one can tame the tongue; it is a RESTLESS evil and full of deadly poison.  With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, WHO HAVE BEEN MADE IN THE LIKENESS OF GOD.”  James 3:8-9

Do you ever have an epiphany where the explanation of why it is an epiphany does not accompany it?  I’ve had that feeling lately when I think about God.  Not so much God actually but rather the Christian life.  I just want to synthesize all of this information that comes zipping through my brain into something that will make sense to someone else, but I just hit dead-ends.  Or maybe they are just really complicated knots.  I pull at a thread in the fabric of my idea, thinking that it will add on to it, when really it just becomes another idea that is intimately related to, and yet completely separate from the original, if that makes any sense at all.  All my thoughts just seem to be swirling around in my head. 

I know that this is part of the process.  I know that I’m growing, because my head hurts.  I also know that the reason for the knot swirling is because I need to be even more in the Word than I already am.  I absolutely have to build up my foundation in the Bible so that I have a base from which to work.  I know that there must be an underlying purpose behind my thought-life, and there is, I just need to refine it.  Focus my energy on one thing at a time, it’s just so difficult!  I’m in this place where I am just so excited to learn all that I can about God, and doctrine, and Christ, and love as the bible talks about it, and creation, and Christian living, and I struggle with trying to gain understanding in just one discipline at a time.

2 Corinthians 5:18-20

“All this is from God, who through the ministry of reconciliation; that is, in Christ God was reconciling the world to himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation.  Therefore, we are AMBASSADORS FOR CHRIST, God making his appeal through us….” (emphasis mine)

I know that this is the message.  I just need to be patient and allow God to work in me and in the lives of those around me.  Really though, I need to trust that God is preparing me the way that He is for a reason.  I know that someday I will meet someone who is in this same position, and with God as my deliverer and the Word as a lamp unto my feet, I will be able to provide sound advice. 

Sorry it is late, I’m listening to David Gray and my wife is up north until Saturday, so I can sit in bed and type this up.  I miss my wife.  She is beautiful and I love her and want her to be lying in bed next to me trying to shut the computer so that she can go to bed. 

Sometimes I think to myself “what makes you think you can lead others to a saving knowledge of Christ and not mess it up?”  And then Jesus hits me over the head with a Lamp: “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  2 Corinthians 12:9

“Now to him who is able to strengthen you according to my gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery that was kept secret for long ages but has now been disclosed and through the prophetic writings has been made known to all nations, according to the command of the eternal God, to bring about the obedience of faith—to the only wise God be glory forevermore through Jesus Christ!  Amen.

“Nobody, no time, could ever be saved by his own resources.  Only with God is it possible.  We do not have the resources on our own.  We cannot do it.  That is why we must be ready to cast ourselves on the mercy of God.  The rich man wanted to climb on the religious bandwagon and bring his luggage of materialism with him, but he could not get on with such luggage.  Instead of being a help, it was a curse.  The only way anybody ever enters the kingdom is when he realizes he can’t, strips himself naked, and arrives back at Matthew 5:3 broken in spirit and mourning and hungering and thirsting for a righteousness he can never attain on his own.”

-John MacArthur (Kingdom Living)

I am so humbled by my own dependence on the world system.  The call to die to myself and pick up my cross daily is a call for me to reject everything about myself and my nature.  Every time that I see the world for what it is, eternally worthless, I realize that although I recognize it at various points, I remain steadfastly chained to it in every other moment.   I find that I need to pray constantly in order to keep my perspective from shifting without even realizing it.  It is never spoken.  Once someone firmly grasps the gospel and ALL it entails, they can never get away from it.  I may not go out of my way to change my perspective, it just will silently, stealthily leak until finally I am right back where I began.  Here is my prayer when I recognize it.

Lord, I pray that you would continue to sanctify me as I become more and more aware of my need for you.  I praise you for who You are and for who You are making me.  I know that I am weak and susceptible to the deceiver’s lies, and I am forever thankful that you have given me the knowledge and the faith to combat him.  Please continue to show me the areas where I can grow in my knowledge of you, and help me to be disciplined in putting that knowledge to use.  I love you.  Thank you for sending your son to die for my sins.  Amen.

From the title of this blog, it’s clear that sanctification is the driving theme.  It may sound foreign to people who do not subscribe to a religion where that word is used, but the idea itself is universal.  Everyone hopes to improve themselves and their situation as life goes on.  Whether that is in the workplace, in the home, or in athletics, there are thousands of books written on the subject of “self-improvement”. 

For me, self-improvement is a tricky concept.  I try to improve myself in various ways, and I’ve always searched for individuals to use as a measuring stick, but over the past couple of years that idea has become more difficult to grasp with the same conviction.  Not the conviction that I should improve, but that I need to look at others for my measurements.  Reading Romans 3:23 was a harsh lesson to me.  I no longer could look at people to be my measure of success!  There simply is no way!  If we are being honest with ourselves, and are actually seeking “success,” while at the same time claiming Christianity, that verse is a death-knell to the notion that we can or should have a person as the mark we are attempting to reach. 

“For ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

That means that Michael Jordan, for all of his incredible basketball skill, when compared to our all-powerful God, is simply a wretched, sinful human being whose defining quality is weakness (Tell that to my ‘96 Seattle SuperSonics).  Same goes for Leonardo DiCaprio, on earth seen with earthly eyes, fantastic actor!  Using God as a reference point…inherently flawed, selfish, prideful, weak-willed, and depraved. 

The saddest part is that we Christians have fallen victim to this idea that eats away at our relationship with Christ.  We are easily deceived into referring to ideas such as the ones written about here are too harsh, are too mean, are too cutting.  Well the time is approaching quickly where those who have not used God as their measuring stick and actively sought His will for their lives will wish that they had.  And as Matthew 25 says, there will be those left out of the wedding feast.  There will be those called sheep and those called goats.  Somehow it has become possible to read Matthew 25 and not be terrified.  I’m talking about the healthy kind of terrified.  The fear of the Lord God.  Somehow we can read those words and then go about our day as we would any other. 

That is what this blog is chronicling.  My journey through each day of my life, learning more about God, and in the process learning about my own tendencies and how they hamper my relationship with Christ.  This is a chronicle of a new husband learning how to be a godly one.  This is a chronicle of a little boy morphing into a grown man.  This is about a man desperately seeking to be a man after God’s own heart, sidestepping—or attempting to sidestep—the pitfalls that ensnare so easily.